Wackadoo Wednesday

One would think knitting, unless in the framework of a knitter’s circle, would be a solitary endeavor. Not so. I’ve come to realize that anytime I choose to knit in public I am on display; a live museum exhibit. I should carry an easel with an illustration of the final product and adequate copy such that the basic knitting process is explained. This is a knit stitch. This is a purl stitch. Felting is the process of knitting a very large object and shrinking it - think Shrinky Dinks. Perhaps I should also don a bonnet, long dress and apron to complete the effect.

I also need to catalogue a set of witty knit related anecdotes to share with my adoring public. As it stands my conversations are incredibly dull and go something like this:

Yes, I’m knitting.

What?

No, I’m not knitting booties.

Oh it’s a felted bag. You knit it large and then shrink it.

Yes, ha ha, knit purl, knit purl.

I don’t think my grandmother knew how to knit.

Yes, knitting is a good occupation for mothers.

And on and on . . .

And a gentleman did say that to me today ...”knitting is a good occupation for mothers.” After he left I pondered his comment. What is a mother? In the rawest sense a mother is a woman who has had sex. At least that’s how most of us ended up in this predicament. (For those of you who still believe in the stork I’m sorry for the spoiler. Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy are all real. Trust me.)

So a mother is a sexual woman. We all know there are other factors such as conception, pregnancy, etcetera that are necessary to complete the picture. But I began to wonder - is knitting a good activity for only mothers or for all sexual women? And if so what is the sex to knit ratio? Do sexual activity and knitting increase in tandem?

If these occupations have a direct linear relationship then one would expect “working girls” to have a thriving side business in knitwear. However I’m having trouble proving this theorem. For the life of me I can not find Mabel’s Knitting and Whorehouse on Etsy.

Therefore I must assume an inverse ratio exists between knitting and sex, which, truth-be-told, makes more sense. I mean, really, who has time for both? And if knitting and sexual activity hold an inverse ratio we can also extrapolate that knitting is a good activity for mothers because mothers should not be having sex. This too makes sense because knitting mothers ought to be wearing aprons and bonnets. And really who wants to have sex with someone in an apron and bonnet?

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Happy Wednesday everyone! Anyone else feeling wackadoo?