Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Wackadoo Wednesday


One would think knitting, unless in the framework of a knitter’s circle, would be a solitary endeavor. Not so. I’ve come to realize that anytime I choose to knit in public I am on display; a live museum exhibit. I should carry an easel with an illustration of the final product and adequate copy such that the basic knitting process is explained. This is a knit stitch. This is a purl stitch. Felting is the process of knitting a very large object and shrinking it - think Shrinky Dinks. Perhaps I should also don a bonnet, long dress and apron to complete the effect.

I also need to catalogue a set of witty knit related anecdotes to share with my adoring public. As it stands my conversations are incredibly dull and go something like this:

Yes, I’m knitting.

What?

No, I’m not knitting booties.

Oh it’s a felted bag. You knit it large and then shrink it.

Yes, ha ha, knit purl, knit purl.

I don’t think my grandmother knew how to knit.

Yes, knitting is a good occupation for mothers.

And on and on . . .

And a gentleman did say that to me today ...”knitting is a good occupation for mothers.” After he left I pondered his comment. What is a mother? In the rawest sense a mother is a woman who has had sex. At least that’s how most of us ended up in this predicament. (For those of you who still believe in the stork I’m sorry for the spoiler. Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy are all real. Trust me.)

So a mother is a sexual woman. We all know there are other factors such as conception, pregnancy, etcetera that are necessary to complete the picture. But I began to wonder - is knitting a good activity for only mothers or for all sexual women? And if so what is the sex to knit ratio? Do sexual activity and knitting increase in tandem?

If these occupations have a direct linear relationship then one would expect “working girls” to have a thriving side business in knitwear. However I’m having trouble proving this theorem. For the life of me I can not find Mabel’s Knitting and Whorehouse on Etsy.

Therefore I must assume an inverse ratio exists between knitting and sex, which, truth-be-told, makes more sense. I mean, really, who has time for both? And if knitting and sexual activity hold an inverse ratio we can also extrapolate that knitting is a good activity for mothers because mothers should not be having sex. This too makes sense because knitting mothers ought to be wearing aprons and bonnets. And really who wants to have sex with someone in an apron and bonnet?

++++++++++
Happy Wednesday everyone! Anyone else feeling wackadoo?

7 comments:

Bridge said...

come on girl you can't have sex and knit at the same time? Its the wave of the future!

Carrien said...

You are cracking me up.

I have a very dear friend who, for whatever reason, chose knitting as her own personal sex metaphor. Maybe the party the night before he wedding? Being knit together for life in the ceremony? Not sure. I just know that whenever she says she's looking forward to knitting, it really means she's got sex on the brain. LOL

Sadly, I have begun to give away all of my yarn, and I haven't started one single knitting project that I've been drooling over. Not much call for knitting in a very tropical climate. and not much time to use anything before we move. It's not going to be a very useful skill for much longer.

Amy said...

My husband often requests an apron and a bonnet. TMI?

Excellent post. You are smack on.

Donna said...

Your post really made me chuckle. Maybe there is an upside to the fact that I have no talent whatsoever for knitting. I can only knit squares....so if you are looking for a woollen handerchief I am your woman!

Jentarbet said...

LOL, thanks for making me laugh tonight!!! Right now there is NEITHER knitting nor sex going on in this house... for me they are BOTH inversely related to the number of times Bug wakes a night.

Jentarbet said...

you have an etsy store!! how cool!! where are the recycled fabric bags?

Beth said...

Hilarious. Hilarious. I am laughing out loud at the coffee shop. I also love the living museum idea - I feel that way too sometimes - the curious looks and questions I often get when knitting in public. You've given me lots to think about today.