Monday, April 21, 2008
Conversations with the kids
Conversation with a four-year-old:
Her: Mom? Can I have some monies out of the money thingy?
Me: I don’t have any money.
Her: Yes you do! In the thingy.
I pull open the ashtray and hand her a nickel.
Her: I want more! Give me a penny!
Me: What do you say?
Me: Okay, how many pennies are there in a nickel?
Her (without hesitation): Five.
Incredulous I hand her five pennies.
Me: How many pennies are there in a dime?
Okay, I’ll hold off on those college applications just yet. But I do wonder if she might be ready for kindergarten this fall rather than next ...
Conversation with an eleven-year-old:
Him: They’re doing the four-star program at school.
Me: What’s that?
Him: It’s about abstinence.
Me: Oh. Well, I think abstinence has some valid points. After all sex doesn’t come without risk.
Him: You mean std’s?
Me: Yup, and babies. I don’t want my babies having babies.
Him: Mom? How old are people when they first have sex?
Me: I don’t know, I think it’s different for different people.
And if you ask about me I was forty. Oh wait, I'm not yet forty. Okay, thirty. Yeah, that's it thirty. He can't do math right? Okay twenty, minus two or three. But it doesn't really matter what I did, right?
Him: But what’s the average?
Me: I don’t know. I suspect some people in your school are having sex - which is way too young. And some people don’t have sex until they are thirty. I guess that averages out to something around eighteen.
Him: That’s only six years for me.
Me: Well, you can wait longer. I have no problem with that.
Him (sniggering): But I don’t want to be a forty-year-old virgin "... Hey, lady, can I put my bike in your car?”
Me: I think it went "...I hope you have a big trunk ‘cause I’m putting my bike in it.”
Me: Never mind.
I’m in no hurry for the baby to start school. She'll get there soon enough. She can definitely wait another year. Definitely.