Sunday, July 15, 2012

Seventeen


Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.  

Today Mr. Peculiar and I have been married for seventeen years.  After work he, I and Little walked downtown for a leisurely dinner.  On the way home we spied these lovelies -- gorgeous sunflowers nestled in a rusty blue corrugated tin bed.  Just right.   

And now my shoes are off and my feet are up.  I am very much looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow.

This weekend work was challenging, heart-breaking.  We provided much needed services for ailing animals and their families. But, with each interaction, we gave away a piece of ourselves.  Upon arriving home my cup was empty; I was mentally and physically exhausted.

I am so grateful my family was here to help me refill my cup.

These last seventeen years have passed in the blink of an eye.  Here's to another seventeen and then some.

xo.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Things I'm Loving Today


The epitome of summer is fresh flowers from the garden.  They are sweet, frugal and born from years of tending.  I can't even begin to tell you how happy they make me.  These flowers are but one of many things I am loving today.  

Today I am loving:
  • My cutting garden
  • A clean living room
  • A quiet house
  • The gentle cluck of a chicken as she lays an egg
  • Nights off work
  • Air conditioning
  • Blueberries straight off the vine
  • Chores systematically checked off the list
  • Naps and sleeping in
  • Fresh baked bread
And now off to have that nap.  

xo.  


Friday, July 6, 2012

Ball Jar Sewing Kit -- Perfect Little Gifts

It's been nearly a month since I've been to this site.  I've had the opportunity to pick up shifts. Extra work. And I jumped on it.  This work is a chance to make up some ground.  And it's good.  But oh it's tiring.  So tiring.  And I miss this space.  And contemplation.  And I miss my time with the house -- cooking and cleaning and keeping the chaos at bay.  But something has got to give - and the house and this space (and possibly my hearing) are it.

This summer, though only just begun, already feels like the summer that was; something that's going to slip through my grasp like sand.  I find myself wistfully looking forward to fall.  Pumpkins and crafts, cooking and "me" time.  Time to regroup and reorganize, time to putter and nest.  Time to pull back from working two jobs.

But for now?  Well I am simply getting through each day.  One minute, one hour and one day at a time.  I'm striving to enjoy the little things.  The spaces in between available for me and my family.

And yesterday was one of those days.  Time off.  At home.  Little has a couple of birthday parties to attend and I used my time to whip up some gifts.  I wanted to make something useful.  Something to occupy and to entertain.  Something pretty.

After some bouncing around Pinterest I came across this -- a ball jar sewing kit.  Perfect!  Just the thing for the soon to be nine and soon to be ten-year-old.



I had some ball jars laying around.  And some vintage lids picked up at tag sale. At the time I didn't know what I was going to use them for.  But I'm grateful I didn't pass them by.  Following the basic instructions here I turned the jar tops into pin cushions.  Then I went to Joann's and bought some notions; embroidery scissors, floss, thread, needles, measuring tape, etc.  I also picked up a couple of these sweet towels pre-stamped for embroidery with adorable kittens.  In addition I bought a couple of small embroidery hoops.


I'm pleased with the way these kits turned out and am happy to have these gifts done and ready to go.  Now another long weekend at work.  

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can ... 

xo.  

Monday, June 11, 2012

Use It Wisely


Yesterday I accomplished something amazing.  Something transformative.  Something that felt like the turning point to get my life back.  I finished a half-marathon.

And yet it all seems so trivial, so irrelevant.  Because yesterday I also watched a man, a man my age, as he lay dying.

Back in January I signed up for a half-marathon.  I had grand plans to get in shape.  Then life got in the way.  I barely trained.  And yet I didn't want to quit.  Wisely or not I decided to do the marathon anyway.  A friend and co-worker of mine was also in the same boat.  We put ourselves in the very back of the pack -- our only goal to finish.

And indeed we were in the back.  So much so there were no visible people in front of us and no visible people behind us. This was a trail run -- through the wonderful forested high desert.  It felt like we were alone in the world despite the 750 people ahead of us.

Things were going well and we were pacing ourselves nicely; running one minute and walking two.  We made it halfway through the course when things changed.  Up ahead was a group of people.  This was odd because we'd passed a watering station about a mile back.   Could another station be so soon?

Then we came up to the group.  A man was down on the trail and the people were performing CPR. We stood there, dumbfounded, trying to determine if we could be of some help. As it turns out the people who stopped before us were an ER doctor, a nurse and a nursing student; all participants in the race.  They were taking turns giving chest compressions. The paramedics were on their way.  It seemed there was nothing we could do.  We did not want to be in the way and therefore decided to continue on -- albeit with a heavy heart.

Soon thereafter we saw a man on a bicycle with a defibrillator.  We were hopeful.  We saw life flight come and go.  We were hopeful.  We crossed the finish line and did not hear any news.  We were hopeful.  

Our hopes went unanswered.  The runner, a vibrant forty-year-old man, died on the trail.

And I wonder -- should I have stayed?  Was there anything I could have or should have done?  I know the answer -- could I have done something I would have.  Had we been first on the scene we'd have been doing CPR.  As it stands the best people were already there.

My whole heart goes out to Mr. Tufts family and loved ones.  Though I didn't know him I want to reach out and help in any way that I can.  

This death brings me full circle back to the start of this blog.  What would I do if I had twelve months to live?  And the same holds true -- all the things I wanted to do then I still want to do today.  Seems I'd best get on it.  Today I'm cleaning house and cooking dinner.   This afternoon I'm plotting how to travel (do we really need two cars?).  Tonight I'll read a book.  And tomorrow another.

This startling experience is yet another reminder to be present.  To live in the moment.  Because life does not come with guarantees.  Not only do I want to take this to heart.  I want you to take this to heart.

We all have a finite and undetermined amount of time on this planet.  Use it wisely.

xo.



Tuesday, June 5, 2012

I don't, can't and won't.



I am finally done with my long stent at work, well, temporarily at least.  The busyness starts up again in July for a final month.  The reward is bills paid off, less money owed.   I confess it's difficult to get excited about paying bills, rather than, say, a trip to Europe.  But it is what it is.

This extra work has taken a toll on me and on this house.  Things are a mess. I've not had the energy to clean.  I've not had energy period.  All I want to do is sleep, eat and read.  In the meantime the weeds are growing, the laundry is multiplying and dishes may be breeding penicillin.

Where is the woman who took pictures?  Who found the time to sew and knit?  Who planned and cooked meals?  Who gardened?  Who wrote? She is quite clearly MIA.  

When I leave the house I cringe; we are not keeping up with the Joneses.  When I enter the house I cringe -- what if the Joneses come over here?

It's all too easy to feel inadequate.  To feel defeated.  As much as I know in my head I can't do it all; my heart feels as if I should.  I *should* bring home the bacon and care for and maintain the house.  I should exercise, have gorgeous hair and delicate painted toe nails.  I should help my kids with their homework and tuck them in at night.

I should, I should, I should ... and yet.  I don't.  I can't and I won't.

As it stands I'm embodying Eeyore and not doing anything particularly well.  I'm earning money but not enough.  I've managed to clear a path through my house but not to clean it well.  I've showered but not gussied up.  My efforts feel mediocre at best.

After Thursday I have a week off.  I plan to putter and kick back and putter some more. With rest I suspect I'll find my equilibrium and get my mojo back.  In the meantime bear with me and my Eeyorish self.

"The old grey donkey, Eeyore stood by himself in a thistly corner of the Forest, his front feet well apart, his head on one side, and thought about things. Sometimes he thought sadly to himself, "Why?" and sometimes he thought, "Wherefore?" and sometimes he thought, "Inasmuch as which?" and sometimes he didn't quite know what he was thinking about." 

xo.

Friday, May 25, 2012

All Great Changes Are Preceded by Chaos


I should know better.  Home improvement projects always end up being more than they seem.  Always.  

After I came home from my long work week I looked around this house of mine.  This house was a mess.  I don't know what I expected.  The mister was working long hours as well and was exhausted at day's end.  And the kids are, well, kids. Let's just say my children do not clean on their own cognition.

A good part of the mess, however, did not belong to the children.  It was Papa's.  There were boxes of brewery tee shirts, bottles of beer and a spittoon still fresh in its box.  And there were his thrifty finds -- vintage shirts he's meaning to get over to his retail space, an old erector set and other paraphernalia.  All this scattered about the house.  You see Papa doesn't have an office.  Really he has no space in which to put these things.

I realized he needed a space and promptly cleared out the closet under the stairs.  Now his stuff is neatly tucked away tidy as can be.  My stuff, however, which was in the closet, is smack dab in the middle of the hallway.  I solved one problem and created another.

My plan was to, once and for all, claim the nook upstairs. It will make a perfect craft studio. I initially started my studio conversion, ahem, a couple of years ago. I enthusiastically ripped out the carpet and then became distracted ---- ooooooh shiny! 


It was high time I got back to it.  My thought was to finish the floor (paper bag style) and, perhaps, to paint a little.  And by paint a little I meant a little.  One wall I wanted blue.  And I thought I might touch up the beige walls as well.

Well I did it.  I painted the wall blue.  But my lines weren't perfect and the beige indeed needed some touching up.  Only I didn't know the original paint color.  I tromped off to the paint store and came back with a multitude of samples.  I found, I thought, the perfect match.  It was not.

The touch up paint ended up being a shade darker than the original.  I'd already "touched up" the sloped wall that lead to the ceiling and I'd already purchased the paint.  This was bad.  Very bad.  What this meant was that not only was I going to have to paint the wall but the ceiling too.  The high, angled, sloped ceiling.   And me?  I'm neither a fan of heights nor a painting expert.

Well I bit the bullet and painted that ceiling.  But the ceiling and walls led out into the hallway with an even higher sloped ceiling.  There is no clear demarcation between these areas.  No place in which to stop painting. And so, with a heavy sigh,  I borrowed a ladder from my neighbor and precariously began that project as well.  Now I'm halfway done with the hall.  I've not even begun the paper bag floor.

In the meantime we've all been stepping around boxes of fabric and various yarn.  There is a path to the kitchen but it is just that.  A path.

And though I'm tackling this paint job my work is suspect.  Don't look too closely at the details. Ignore the region around the trim. I figure if and when we sell this house someone can come behind me and tidy up my lines.  Someone who is not afraid to be 12 feet up on a creaking ladder.   Someone who knows what they are doing.  At least I hope.

As for me I'm embracing imperfection.  I think once my studio is put together the little errors will fade into the background.  And should they bother you?  Well you don't have to come up for a visit.

Yesterday, while on a painting break, I was perusing Pinterest and came upon this quote, "all great changes are preceded by chaos."  Yes!  Yes indeed.  

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Eye Candy To Get Me Through My Week


I'm back in the valley again -- staying at my folks house and working additional relief shifts.  Two more nights to go and then I finally get a break.  I'll have worked 90 hours this week, all night shifts.  

My ear is ringing like crazy and I am hoping it doesn't lead to a vestibular attack -- that would be terribly embarrassing.   This ringing may be partly my fault -- my asthma has been acting up and I therefore took some steroids.  Though steroids are often prescribed for Meniere's disease they do not seem to work for me.  Rather they make things worse (though breathing is also nice).  As it stands my hearing is shot in my left ear so I'll be angling myself towards the right all night.  *Fingers crossed* that I make it through the night without a dizzy spell.  

I can blame no one but myself for my long work week.  I took on these shifts voluntarily in an attempt to offset some expenses we've had.  Hopefully it will all pan out.  

In the meantime I did squeeze in a little fun.  For a couple of hours this afternoon my mom and I went on the local chicken coop tour (my mom kept calling the coops "huts" -- she's silly!).  We saw some nice coops and lovely gardens.  I am very much looking forward to getting home and spending a bit of time in my own garden.  In the meantime I'll enjoy the above eye candy - chickens and gardens and coops -- oh my!

And now, hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go.  See you on the flip side.  

xo.