I am Exhausted and My House is Covered in Cheese

Last night we had homemade pizza; sausage, arugula and fig pizza. It was delicious. We also had dessert; a double citrus tart. Homemade because a) it's better and b) that's what we can afford.

But here's the thing. The girls didn't want our pizza. It was too fancy. Too exotic. And me? I was too tired to make anything else. So I pointed them to the remaining dough, the pizza peel and the oven.

It seemed like a good idea; to have them cook their own food. Roll out dough, prepare toppings and slide it in the oven. And they did. They cooked plain cheese pizzas without injury (at least without injury to their person).

Now the kitchen? That's a different matter. Those girls spread cheese ALL OVER. I, being too tired to do their cooking, was also too tired to do their cleaning.

So this morning a fantastic mess awaited me. Deep in the muck I realized this is it. This. The cheese. The kitchen. This is the pinnacle of my life. Everything I have worked for, everything I have strived for is summed up in this moment. Me, still in scrubs, expunging the filth.

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My birthday is in two days. I turn forty. For my husband's 40th birthday he and I took a trip to Italy. It was awesome. While there we made grand plans for my 40th. A family trip. Somewhere fun. Somewhere foreign. Surely in four years we could save enough money. Then the economy happened. We will not be traveling this year (or anytime in the foreseeable future).

I can accept our financial egress. It is what it is. My birthday desires have changed, downsized. What I want now, really and truly want, is a clean house. Top to bottom. I've expressed this to my family. But my children don't understand this type of request. A clean house? What kind of present it that?!! (One you can afford my pretties!)

It seems the only way I'm to get what I want is to give it to myself.

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I read an interesting article today - "The Medium Chill". Indeed that is our new and improved life. We settle for day old coffee over ice rather than frappacinos. We are gerber more than rose. The Joneses have surpassed us and then some (much to the chagrin of select neighbors who would like to see us gussy up a bit.)

We don't pay for lawn service or housecleaning. Presents are more often than not homemade. I sew and knit and have chickens in the yard. And I like it. I like who I've become in this less than stellar economy.

Do I hope to travel someday? Of course! Do I dream of property and a hobby farm? You betcha. Do I fantasize about financial solvency? You know it! But it's not worth it if I give up myself; forty year old me knee deep in cheese.

Now what should I make for dinner?