Mommy Have You Ever Had a Dream Come True?

This afternoon my youngest daughter and I were in the car on our way to pick middle daughter up from school. I wasn’t fully present. Instead I was incessantly creating mental lists. I need to take the bread out of the oven. Move the chickens to the garage. Take a shower. Clean out the car. Get gas before our trip tomorrow. Go to work. Bring food to work. Change the dog collar batteries. Buy more dog food. Write a pet care list. Pack. Eat.

Halfway to the school my silent inner chaos was interrupted.

“Mommy?” my daughter asked, “Have you ever had a dream come true?”

Her question shook me and snapped me back into the here and now. I hesitated not sure how to respond.

“Yes.” I finally replied giving her my short answer, “You are my dream come true.”

Satisfied with my response she grinned and began singing softly to herself.

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The truth is I am living my dreams. I have three beautiful children, a happy marriage and a successful career as a veterinarian. I’ve been dreaming about all these things since early childhood (I decided to become a veterinarian when I was seven). Only here's the problem: my dream world and reality collided like particles in an atom splitter; the ensuing result an often stressful life full of concern, worry and second-guessing.

You see my dream career was to be challenging, fun and exciting. Any medical or people issues would be easily resolved James Herriot style with a quick quip or bucolic amusement. Days like this didn’t exist.

Raising children was to be equally as simple with no work versus home anguish, no arguing, biting, shouting or hitting, no concerns about childcare. The children of my dreams did not need their bottoms wiped. They did not vomit on me in the middle of the night. They did not cry when I left for work. They did not act like this or this. And it certainly did not involve days like this.

My ideal marriage left no thought as to who would do the laundry or dishes. Food would magically appear on the table. No one had to drag a crabby pre-schooler down aisle after aisle at the grocery store. It was all about hugs and kisses and snuggling and daily deliveries of floral bouquets. Chores, money concerns and child-rearing issues simply did not exist.

Now I am living my dream life in the real world. Today I did not lie. My children are the epitome of a dream come true. But I gave my daughter a truncated response. The full answer would be something like this:

“Yes, baby, all my dreams have come true. They're just not what I thought they’d be. But, if I had it to do all over again, I would not change a single thing.”

Someday her dreams and reality will also collide. I hope she feels the same.

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Today is Thursday, aka Love Thursday.  Today I love my life broken dreams and all.  What do you love?

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Where oh where has my underwear gone?

My underwear have been disappearing at an alarming rate. I have absolutely no idea where they've gone. Perhaps Dobby-like creatures are using it to procure their freedom. Certainly indentured elves no longer maintain this household. That's why my kitchen is so dirty... my briefs have set the elves free!

It is also highly possible these undergarmets are disappearing down the labradork's gullet. If this is the case I foresee an embarrassing surgery in which my panties are put on display. Let's hope they pass and can be scooped with all the other yard nuggets. It wouldn't be the first time underwear was found in the front yard.

At any rate my lack of undies prompted me to start a new sewing project - underwear. I was additionally inspired by this and this. I did not have a pattern and thought I'd simply make one from a pair of old panties. Then I ran into a little (or not so little) problem: when one decides to sew oneself a pair of underwear one is presented with a very literal and visual representation of the actual size of one's buttocks. Let's just say not pretty.

My first two attempts were hopeful representations and ended with garments that, at best, were modified thongs. I do not do thongs. In the undergarment realm I'm with Beyonce and fully believe in granny panties. Really. Thongs are things you wear on your feet in the summer. They have no business on or near the derierre.

My third attempt ended with a baggy adult diaper. Not attractive or comfortable. I may keep that pair. After all I'm no spring chicken and it might come in handy in the future. But today I don't need a diaper.

Basically I need a good well fitting pattern. But, honestly, I don't want to look at the size of my arse on paper. So I broke down and went to Target. They had adorable panties on sale that actually fit my backside.

I haven't given up. I went to the cardiologist yesterday and got the go ahead to exercise. My heart is fine. Irritable but fine. I'm having multiple premature atrial contractions which are annoying but not dangerous. So my plan is to exercise, shrink my backside and try this sewing thing again. But for now I'll stand proud because baby got back.

Grace Abounds

This morning my daughter and I were walking home from a friend's house. My daughter was "babysitting" their gorgeous babe while I went to an appointment. We paused in front of our house to watch a young robin struggle with a worm. He has a plan for dinner, I thought, but what about us? A trip to the store with a tired preschooler shot to the top of our agenda.

At that exact moment my neighbor came out of her house with a plate full of pulled pork and loaf of bread.

"This pork simmered overnight," she said "and we have way to much. I thought you might like some."

Grace abounds.

Now instead of worrying about dinner my daughter can nap and I can sew myself a pair of underwear.

No. Seriously.


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Earth Day 2009

The weather has been gorgeous and we spent much of the past week in the yard. My husband and I both had time off work giving us an impromptu stay-cation. We elected to tackle overdue garden projects. Of course we’re building our chicken coop (my part of the “we” is a very loose interpretation; I fed the people who were laboring and paused on occasion to snap a photo or two). “We” are also building a pizza oven. The actual pizza oven was purchased in 2006 and proceeded to spend the past three years in our garage. Our cars subsequently spent the past three years in the driveway. It’s about time we got to work.

Me, I’m altering our sprinklers to fit our raised beds (another long overdue project) and am putting soaker hoses in my flower beds. I also bought vegetable seeds to start indoors. In addition I engaged in a battle with the pine tree in the backyard. It’s a game we play ... he drops needles and I pick them up. This week I’m ahead. Next week remains to be seen.

I’m thrilled to see these projects come to fruition. Plus it keeps my mind off other things such as my heart. So long as I’m working my it doesn’t bother me. When I stop I notice the irregular beats. The holter results are still pending. I guess I just need to stay busy until the results come in. Tomorrow it’s back to work ... staying busy ought to be easy.

Happy Earth Day!

Sunday Evening

I stand at the kitchen window cutting strawberries for shortcake. The window is open and a breeze flutters in. Last week it snowed. Today it was eighty degrees.

A train bellows from tracks below. The whistle reverberates off the butte and carries me away. I wonder what goods the train is hauling, where is it going and how many vagabonds are along for the ride.

My husband is in the driveway building on our chicken coop; an in progress Poulet Palace. He's not had to work on his own ... friends and neighbors lent tools and helping hands. Those are some lucky chickens.


I continue to have heart palpitations and wore a holter monitor over the weekend. I'll turn it in tomorrow and then wait for results. I'm nervous about what they will find. Whatever they do find I will deal with ... I have no alternative. In the meantime life is good.

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Wordless Wednesday

This one's for Maine Momma even though today is Wednesday. 

My Heart's A Fluttering ...

Easter weekend was wonderful. Sunday was a tad chilly but still perfect for potlucks, a gathering of friends and egg hunts. We made cinnamon rolls from scratch and slow cooked baby back ribs. With a house full of friends and the kitchen in full swing it was necessary to throw open the windows and let the chilly outdoors in. What a perfect way to celebrate the season of renewal.

Thankfully I finished my daughters' Easter dresses (just in the nick of time). I'm still knitting for our neighbor's baby born yesterday. One bonnet and one bootie complete, one bootie to go. I expect to finish tonight ... just in time for the baby to arrive home.

And speaking of renewal ... this week also harbored some minor health concerns. After nearly a year's respite my heart issues have returned. I've had a week of near constant palpitations. Honestly, other than the odd rhythm and pounding of my heart, I feel fine. But the frequency and force of the palpitations is disconcerting. So I'll be visiting my cardiologist on Thursday to make sure things remain a'okay. Strangely enough I had severe palpitations around the same time last year. I can't help but wonder if there is a seasonal component. Or perhaps it's hormonal. And no, I'm not feeling particularly stressed or anxious. This body is a mysterious contraption. Who knows what it's thinking.

Last year my palpitations ceased when I began triathlon training. Assuming I have my doctor's blessing I will attempt the same cure this year. I'm going to drag my twelve -year-old son along for the ride. After all it's always more fun to train with a partner!

Today it snowed (so much for Spring!). But, just like last year, I will be the crocuses standing strong against the elements. Meditation, yoga, exercise, healthy eating and positive thought ... what else can I do?

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Today is my husband's birthday... the big four two. Happy Birthday Daddy! Maybe you're the reason my heart's fluttering away. ;o)

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