Thanksgiving

We are having Thanksgiving at my parent’s house; a house with which I am familiar but not the home I grew up in.  My sister and her family are not here.  Instead, indefinitely,  they are in Panama on a sailboat.  Someone is here in my sister’s place, Cindy.  Cindy used to be my sister’s nanny.  Now she has a family of her own; a husband, baby Grace, and two foster girls.  What must these girls think of our motley crew?  

The foster girls go up to Cindy and give her gigantic hugs.  They are sweet and polite and full of affection. They’ve only lived with her family for two weeks.  I wonder what has happened in their life such that they would end up here.  I do not want to ask, especially not in front of them.  I am in awe of Cindy and her husband and the way they are contributing to our collective whole.  

I listen to their story and realize I could not be a foster parent.  My chaotic and well-lived in house simply wouldn’t pass inspection. But these girls?  Oh I would take these girls.  They are running around with my own girls as naturally as if they were cousins.  For today at least, they are family.  

I am tired, from traveling and from getting up early for fun run. From eating too much.  And from the wine.  

The television is on, football, and I am partially deaf.  This makes conversation difficult.  I find myself saying “what?” all too often.  Middle jumps in and translates for me.  It’s nice to have an interpreter.  

Tonight some knitting.  And some pie.  Tomorrow a movie.  No shopping for me. I can’t handle the crowds.  

And I am thankful.  For food.  For family.  For friends.  For days off work.  I am grateful to those who are working in my place; I’ll pay you back at Christmas when the roles are reversed.  

I am grateful for my senses; sight, touch, taste and smell.  I am grateful for the hearing which remains.  I am grateful for the balance that, more often than not, stays under control.  I am grateful for this body which propels me through this world; a vessel of experience.  

I am grateful for children who require me to step out of the box and to think differently.  I am grateful for other children who allow me to stay in the box, crouched in earthquake position, hands covering the back of my head.  

I am grateful for the internet and connections and opinions right and left.  I am grateful for the kindness of most folks (I'm sorry for the others).  

This life. It's messy and challenging.  It's tiring and worrisome.  It's heartbreaking.  But it is good. Oh so good.  

XO. 

Grateful

Phew! The whirlwind of halloween is over.  I never quite finished those slipcovers.  And you know what?  They're not getting done today either.  I have to work tonight and have given myself permission to laze the day away.

This morning there was quite a frost on the car and as I went out (fully clad in pajamas) to warm it up I found myself grateful.  Very grateful for all the simple things in life.

I am grateful for:

• A heated home
• Getting the garbage to the curb before the garbage truck came
• The HUGE load of dishes Mr. Peculiar did last night
• Precious children who love to snuggle
• Coffee ready to go at the push of a button
• Left over pumpkin chocolate chip cookies
• Left over pumpkin soup for dinner (aka no cooking before work)
• Pumpkins carved by my children while I was sewing away
• Funny not so spidery spider webs hung by the boy
• Creative costumes put together without Mama's help (oi they are getting so big!)
• Mama as a red head --- funny

These are the best days ...

This fall has been gorgeous.  Atypically warm.  Comfortable.  Every time I go outside I am mesmerized by the golds, deeps reds and oranges.  The trees simply glow.

Today I took advantage and walked Little home from school.  I was hoping for a fantastic stroll, mother and daughter hand in hand, chatting happily.  Instead Little marched twenty steps in front of me.  She was in a huff because I wouldn't let her stop to do homework.  Seriously.  What a bugger!

Now I'm sitting in my favorite chair and knitting.  See that delectable yarn?  It's turning into a scarf.  A little something just for me.  Something to celebrate the season.

And those pumpkins?  Homemade too.  Homemade and super easy.  If you are going to the pumpkin patch pick up a few extra stems and make a few of your own.  I filled mine with lentils and bird seed foregoing the polyfill.  I really like their weight.  They are sturdy, substantial.

And the flowers?  All from my garden.  You wouldn't know it to look at it.  There is definitely work to be done.  Dead heading and weeding and trimming.  But amongst all the mess -- simple beauty.

Tonight we're having left overs (either that or eggs on toast or ham and egg cups -- I can't decide).  I am trying to be frugal and stretch the budget.  To compensate for spending in other areas (cough cough yarn store cough).

In the oven are homegrown tomatoes -- roasting to perfection.  On the table beside me?  Iced coffee, the ghetto version made at home.

In other words -- today is a good day.  I'm happy to be at home.  To be off work.  To putter.  These are the best days.

xo.

The Boy

The boy and his fishing spear

My son is fourteen, almost fifteen. I don't talk about him much in this space. He's older and more often than not off galavanting with his peers. Gaggles of teenagers don't much like camera toting mamas two steps behind.

But this week has been different. It's spring break. The girls are visiting my folks and the boy stayed home. Most of his friends are gone -- off to San Francisco and other exotic places. Thus he's been hangin' with me. It has been nothing short of lovely.

This morning, at the boy's request, we got up early and went to an estate sale. He bought a set of bull horns (as in horns of a bull) that just crack me up. I came home with several treasures which I am falling in love with. I'd best list them soon before they end up as permanent parts of this clutter home decor.

Anyway back to the boy. This afternoon his friend came over and they built a fire in the chiminea. Their original plan was to catch a quail and roast it. Can you tell they are totally into Survivor Man?

Quail are fast little buggers and there were none to be caught. Were the boys defeated? No. Their plan simply morphed. They carved fishing spears and, as I type, are at the river spearing dinner.

It will be okay if said dinner never arrives. You see I have store bought fish waiting in the fridge. When the boys tire and finally come inside we'll cook together -- fish and chips.

I have to tell you. It warms my heart to see him out there. Active. Exploring. Thinking. Doing. Such a beautiful use of time.

I wish all days could be like today.

XO.

❊❊❊ ❊❊❊ ❊❊❊

Things I'm loving today:

• The boy's outfit; a mama knit hat, thrifted pendleton flannel and blue jeans
• The smell of a campfire in my backyard (makes me feel like I'm on vacation)
• Exciting vintage finds; fans and suitcases and jars -- oh my!
• Teaching the boy to cook (hopefully he'll leave this house with a modicum of culinary finesse)
• The sun streaming in through the back window after a day of snow flurries
• Fantasies about a potential summer road trip, trailer in tow
• And, finally, sitting in my chair with a delectably warm computer on my lap and a cat on the arm rest. Ah! This is the life!

Dagnamit those viruses!

Okay people. It's spring break. All my children are visiting relatives. I am only working one night this week. And what do I get? The WORST cold I've had in ages. I had such great plans. Oh the things I was going to accomplish. However, at this moment, it's all I can do to sit on the couch. I can't even bring myself to knit. So that's just what I'm doing; sitting on the couch with my fingers pinched on my nose and a snot rag over my shoulder. Wonderful visual I know. Sorry for that.

And yet I am also sitting here feeling amazingly blessed. I mean really and truly grateful. You see tonight we watched Precious. My life, everything in my life, is phenomenal.

Things I'm grateful for right now:

• Wonderful relatives who are loving and entertaining my children
• Not having to work this week (mostly)
• The opportunity to sleep
• This amazing wonderful house
• The privilege of an education
• Not getting hit by a bus today (that one is for you Michelle!)
• A nation that, despite its fears, is moving to care for its weakest members
• Benadryl
• Books from the library
• Take out chinese and fried won tons
• Dandelions
• Spring
• Real life invisibility cloaks. I mean how cool is that?!!

Oh yes. How could I forget? I also love you all. Really and truly.

Now I will continue to wage this war against these lovely viral invaders. Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite!

Learning Gratefulness

Housing prices continue to fall. Household expenses are increasing while annual income is decreasing. This economic recession continues it’s negative spiral with no end in sight. And there is no better time to be grateful. What? Grateful? Absolutely!

Now is the time to appreciate all that we do have - from the roof over our heads to the scent of a fresh-peeled orange. Given the right framework most lives are truly abundant.

“When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears”

Anthony Robbins

Abundance is not the possession of material objects. Instead abundance is a state of mind, a meditation of daily gratitude. And this meditation can make you happy. A 2003 study* by Emmons and McCullough showed that .. “the gratitude-outlook groups exhibited heightened well-being.” These groups were more optimistic about their future, felt better about their lives and exercised more; all a direct result of gratitude.

Furthermore a 2008 study* by Froh, Sefick and Emmons showed adolescents who practiced gratefulness had ... “enhanced optimism, [and] life satisfaction.” Is this not what every parent wants?

But here’s the problem. My children do not practice daily gratitude. They do not see the abundance before them. Rather each day arrives with a litany of complaints (could mom’s cooking be any more boring!).

This morning I became so frustrated with my eight-year-old’s attitude I threatened to make her sleep in the garage (the theory being she would then appreciate the roof over her head even if said roof included sharing a room with her sister).

Short of shoving my kids out in the cold I am at a loss. I want to teach my children gratefulness and thus gift them with truly joyful life. But what’s a parent to do?

Here are some ideas:

1) Start a thankfulness tree. Have each family member make leaves of gratitude to hang on the tree. Periodically change the leaves on your tree and take time to sit down and pour over all the things you have to be thankful for.

2) Volunteer for those less fortunate (a soup kitchen, a nursing home, a pet shelter, etc). Discuss how you and your children could improve these people’s lives.

3)Leave Hope Notes scattered about your town to brighten someone’s day.

4) Lead by example; take the time to find beauty in each day and share this beauty with your children.

5) Have Earth Hour once a week. Learn how people lived before the creation of all our modern conveniences.

6) Routinely donate toys to those less fortunate.

7) Keep a daily gratitude journal with your kids. Nightly write five things for which you are grateful.

8) Turn off the television and monitor computer use. Eliminate those flashy ads which vie for our kids’ purchasing power and simultaneously diminish their self-worth.

Gratefulness is a skill, a skill that can be learned. And the benefits of daily gratitude can be seen in as little as three weeks. Three weeks! A mere 21-days to a happier healthier child and happier healthier family. What’s not to lose?

+++++++++++++++

Today I'm grateful for warm breezy winter days, hot showers, the scent of a lemon in the disposal and an invite to a knitting group.

What are you grateful for?
___________________________________________________________________

*Emmons, R.A., McCullough, M.E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389.

*Froh, J.J., Sefick, W.J., Emmons, R.A. (2008). Counting blessings in early adolescents: An experimental study in gratitude and subjective well-being. Journal of School Psychology, 46, 213-233.

Grateful

As the holidays arrive I am calm. We are not traveling. We do not have big plans with family or friends. I’ll be working nights and trying to talk my husband through cooking his first turkey during the day. I only have eight hours between shifts on Thanksgiving day. Just enough time to catch a wink and eat a bite. We are going simple. A turkey, stuffing and green bean casserole. Just the five of us with little fanfare.

I am grateful we won’t be doing a last minute scrub down of the house. (Now certainly if my kids felt like cleaning their rooms I would not complain). But I am also grateful for many other things. For my family - that sweet babe who insisted on showering with me yesterday, her perfect rubenesque body, soft soft skin and tiny person voice. For that young man who is still sleeping at nearly 11:00 am. Yesterday he wanted to fish so he hopped on his bike with a fishing pole and took off for the pond - a Norman Rockwell moment if I’ve ever seen one. For middle daughter who in the midst of a sleep over decided to come home. She wanted to be in the arms of her family. And for my husband who got up a 5:00 am to go to work. The same man who will hold down the Thanksgiving fort while I work. I’m grateful we are bringing in the bacon, so to speak, even if it means odd work schedules and irregular hours.

I am grateful for a roof over our heads and a family that would take us in should this roof disappear. I’m grateful for yarn and knitting and the calm it brings. I’m grateful for home cooked food that fills this house with love. I am grateful for our health. I’m grateful for wine and beer and spirits to share with friends. I’m grateful for the labrador who sleeps on my bed. I’m grateful for my down comforter and flannel sheets. I’m grateful for my neighbor who brings over fresh roasted coffee.

We have so many things. And the one thing no economy can take away? Love. If we were huddled in a tent, cold and hungry and not knowing what was to come, we would have love. About that I am certain.

++++++++++++

Every year we make a holiday DVD for our friends and family. It is a slide show of photos set to music. This year the theme is gratefulness. I have been struggling to come up with music. I want is an upbeat indy folk song that talks about being grateful - is that too much to ask?

Here are a few contenders:

The Littlest Birds by They Might be Tanyas

Born to Hum by Erin McKeown

Any suggestions?