peculiar momma

Last night I went to bed at 2:00 am. We were watching movies. Time slipped away. It didn’t matter because tomorrow (well now today) was/is Saturday. Though I had to work at four we could sleep to our hearts content. The kids were asleep and the hubbie and I found ourselves alone. Heaven, pure heaven. We snuggled up on the couch and watched Dan in Real Life.

This morning at 6:55 am the *#!#* dog started barking. I pulled the covers over my head and the hubbie graciously got up to let the sausage out. Thrilled I stretched, rolled over and went back to sleep. Flash forward five minutes - awake again to the blaring of the phone. It was the clinic. The day doctor had a stomach virus and lucky me I got called in to work early. Suddenly I was facing twelve plus hours on the job and working tomorrow too. Spectacular.

If this had happened in the past I’d hit the coffee stand and have the hubbie bring food later in the day. But not today. We both got up. The hub made coffee. I made a peanut butter sandwich and grabbed a box of tomato soup. I also packed up last night’s movies to return on the way. I remain determined to sit with our budget. I will sacrifice for my future self. For retirement. And on days like today I want that future to happen sooner than later.

I am trying to see the positive side of things. I’m pushing away the grump; the one that mumbles under her breath about being the only person who will return 7:00 am phone calls, the one who comes in to work, the one who gets no recognition or appreciation. After all working affords me the opportunity to make extra money. Plus I don’t need a babysitter because my husband is home. And on the way to work there were some amazing rays of sunlight pouring through the clouds; a sight I’d have I missed had I stayed in bed.

And as I drove to work, mesmerized by the beauty of the sky, feeling very tiny in this huge amazing world, I remembered a post from Jen Lemen earlier in the week. She quoted Rumi:

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.

–Rumi

So today I am here. I am awake and I will not go back to sleep. I will embrace each moment and I’ll open that window to my soul, just a crack, and let joy seep in.