Midlife

Grey grifty November. The clouds push closer and closer--determined to crush our minds and spirits, determined to garner our souls. The house is dark, lights off for energy savings and to slow financial hemorrhage. The sink is full of dishes. Powdered sugar covers the counter like a winter snow, melted, then refrozen with litter from the streets. The cupcakes have disappeared. All that remains is the mess. It feels hopeless, desolate. I stand at the kitchen window and watch a single leaf dangling from a skeletal branch, holding, holding then snap--with a gust of wind it’s gone. I too am ready to snap, to disappear in a tempest as if I’d never been. There’s nothing left to do but clean.

The kitchen lights sputter, shocked at being called into action, then spark to life. I push up my sleeves and turn on the sink. Bright pink gloves protect my eczematous hands. The warmth creeps in; it ignores the latex barrier and begins to thaw my marrow. I smell last night’s dinner--grilled onions glazed in a balsamic reduction--love burnt into the pan. One by one the dishes disappear. The counter shimmers. The kitchen is transformed.

It’s the cycle of seasons, the cycle of housecleaning, the cycle of life. And I realize it’s time for my life to cycle. I ache for the upswing. Gloves off I stand ready.

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This weekend I had a epiphany. I was kneeling in the living room picking up toys and thinking about how I had to work over Thanksgiving. Thinking about how I had to work Tuesday night (and Wednesday night and Saturday day and Sunday day). And I realized that I really really don't want to do it anymore. I need to make a change before I end up in the loony bin.

At the same time I wrote the above post for a writing prompt. That solidified it. I'm now taking baby steps to change my life by the time I turn forty (this gives me 2 1/2 years to formulate and execute my plan). I don't yet have a solid plan but this weekend I started poking around the freelance writing market - we'll see what pans out.

My current fantasy--to find enough freelance writing and veterinary relief work to pay the bills. I'm not looking for fame or fortune. I'm looking for a reasonable income with reasonable flexible working hours.

Truth-be-told I'm scared, scared even to write this. It seems silly. A pipe dream. I may be an abysmal failure. And these are baby baby steps. I'm not quitting my job--yet. I'm simply wondering if I could quit my day (well actually night) job sooner than later. But I'm putting these thoughts out there for you to read, to know, so I don't chicken out.

And today a friend sent this quote from The Artist's Way ..."leap and the net will appear." I hope hope hope it's true. I'm not quite there yet. I'm on the precipice, peering over the edge into the canyon below, contemplating the consequences. I could fly. I could fall. I could hit the bottom and bounce; find myself bruised but in the air. I'll keep you posted.

Frugal Friday - Form a Sense of Community

This morning I’ve been on the phone planning carpools to and from middle school, to and from elementary school. Turns out this is the weekend of single parenthood. My husband is on a beer binge at a brewer’s conference and two mothers are off to work-related conferences. The remaining dads and I have threatened to throw a blow-out party whilst our spouses are away. No not really. In reality we’re coordinating childcare - lending a helping hand. I’ll be picking up the boys from school so one dad can get his daughter from preschool. I’ll be picking up the girls so another father can complete a much needed job. Today’s my day to pick up the slack.

The beauty of it? These are the same people who pick up the slack for me. They take my preschooler for a play date when I’m too exhausted to function. They drive my children to school when my work schedule doesn’t permit. Without these neighbors, without this community we’d be paying for taxi services and childcare; something none of us can afford at the moment.

And a developed sense of community naturally leads to frugality; you can trade not only childcare but tools, skill sets, DVDs, books, etc. We don’t own a ladder but my neighbors do. When it comes time to hang those holiday lights I know a ladder is readily available. In exchange I’ll bake homemade cinnamon rolls. My neighbors don’t own a truck but we do. All they have to do is ask. When I ripped out my water-hogging lawn my neighbors came over to help without being asked. You can’t beat free friendly labor!

But in order to benefit from a sense of community it must first be created. How can you create community? One of the best things my neighborhood did was have a block party. All it took was a free permit from the city and a few flyers. We took over the streets potluck style. Every one chipped in. We got to know our neighbors and formed a neighborhood directory.

Now when people walk down the street they wave to each other. Everyone looks out for everyone else’s children. We all lend a helping hand in whatever way we’re able. It really does take a village; not only to raise a child but also to live an abundant frugal life.

Here are some links for your reading pleasure:

The Sunny Way

Neighborhood Frugal

The Tool Trader

How to Start a Neighborhood Cooking Club

How to Start a Community Garden

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Have a lovely weekend!

Love Thursday and a Giveaway!

Today is Love Thursday. Today also happens to be my 100th post. In honor of this milestone I'm having a giveaway because the person I love is YOU!

Leave a comment below to win this lovely homemade tote bag:


I'll pick a random winner next Thursday.

Have a lovely day!

Hope

Today I'm in love with my country and today I'm in love with my kids. Last night my husband and I went to a birthday dinner with friends. Big brother, at twelve, babysat. Before we left, however, the labradork decided to sample a bag of halloween candy.

Since chocolate is toxic to dogs we detoured to the clinic for an excavation of the dork's interior. At one point we were all standing around the dog watching him return his stolen goods (i.e. puke, vomit, up-chuck; the verbiage choice is yours). He had eaten Milky Ways, Butterfingers, and an entire Hershey's bar - wrappers and all. The kids each had a cookie in hand and were watching the show as if they were at the movies. Clearly they all have strong constitutions and are no doubt my children.

We left the dork for observation, took the kids home and headed out for dinner. After dinner we went back to the clinic to retrieve the dog. It was exactly eight o'clock as we pulled into the parking lot. The western polls had just closed. My phone rang. Obama won! Obama won! It was the kids.

Home alone the twelve-year-old, eight-year-old and four-year-old were watching politics. They were watching the election. The excitement in their little voices was palpable. We came home to find these sticky notes all over the house. Clearly they are also their father's children.

Today I have hope. Today I am proud to be an American. I am proud to be a part of and a witness to history. And today I pledge to work "...brick by brick, block by block, calloused hand by calloused hand..." not only for a better America but for a better world.

Don't forget to vote! But also don't forget - today is just the beginning. There is still so much to do to in this world.

Here is a project we can all participate in ...


Happy Election Day!

Frugal Friday

I've got lots of frugal ideas to share with you but today am short on time. We are having people over for Halloween and have spent the day cooking and cleaning and cleaning some more. As such I've just one small idea to share ...

Do you remember the babies? Well one of those babies was born today - on Halloween! Her mom must have known because she'd asked me to knit a pumpkin hat for the occasion. Well today we went to visit the new babe in the hospital. I wanted to bring something to brighten the room and almost bought flowers. But then I remembered something I'd read last night in Simple Abundance - Victorian ladies used to preserve fall leaves. I didn't have time to preserve leaves but I thought - why not a fall leaf bouquet. My yard contained several branches of intact leaves and some Russian Sage and Yarrow that hadn't yet given up the ghost. I was so pleased with the final result that I also made another bouquet for tonight's table.

So that's my single simple tip today - use what you have. You may be pleasantly surprised with the results.

Love Thursday

Every last muscle in my body aches. But in a good way. Yesterday I went to a Bikram Yoga class (i.e. hot yoga). Oy was it hot! There I stood, neatly framed in the mirror, drenched in sweat, my no longer eighteen-year-old body tremoring as it tried to hold a pose. I’m doing this for me. I’m doing this for me. I’m doing this for me. I tried to visualize a lean mean muscle machine.

Each pose was demonstrated in cartoon form on large cards tacked to the wall above the mirror; gigantic yogi flash cards. I kept glancing at the cards - only four poses left, only three poses left. I think I can, I think I can. I was definitely the caboose of the class. Others held their poses so gracefully you’d think they were prima ballerinas. Me? Not so much. I twitched, I tremored, I fell out of balance. But I made it through. I was so busy concentrating I even missed the sunrise. If one is going to get up at 5:30 in the morning it seems the primary advantage would be to see the sunrise. But this is not the case. The primary advantage is lactic acidosis - the first step to a healthier fitter self.

And why am I doing this? Why am I torturing myself? (Because it does sometimes feel like torture.) It is not about aesthetics (though a flat stomach would be a welcome side-effect). It’s about honoring my body: this vessel that skirts me though the world. Lately I’ve neglected my physical self. Without exercise I’m tired, lethargic, mentally deficient. It’s difficult to accomplish all there is to do in a day. It's difficult to think straight. And I’m too tired to care for others. I want to be a happy healthy energetic mother with happy healthy energetic kids. As such I need to attend to the Mamma’s physical and mental well being so she will have the energy and state of mind to attend to others.

I felt great after I got home. Little sis and I walked to the library. We cut through the park and took a extra time to sqaunch the crunchy fall leaves. We picked up acorns and admired their beauty. We listened to the geese honking and hollering across the pond. It was a gorgeous fall day and we were out and about to enjoy it.

Today? Today I’m cleaning house (literally). After school the kids and I are going to the track. We signed up for a three mile Jingle Bell Run in December. We need to get in shape. We are going to run. Tonight we’ll carve pumpkins and mess up everything I cleaned but it's okay.

Last week was stressful, difficult. This week less so though yesterday we got the bill for phase two of orthodontia - ouch. And though money is tight, even more so between braces and car issues, we can deal with it. Regular exercise is key. It changes my perspective. Instead of getting depressed, instead of crying, I’m choosing to look at these financial strains as opportunities. As challenges.

I’m going to ramp up Frugal Friday. Our expenses are increasing, our income is not. Time to get creative. Very very creative. Hopefully the extra cerebral oxygen will be beneficial.

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I’m still slowly knitting away at my first sock. Here’s a sneak peak:


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This is my 96th post - ninety six! I’d like to do something special to honor my 100th post. I’m thinking a giveaway may be in order ... maybe a bag like the one in my Etsy shop ... stay tuned!

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On this Love Thursday don't forget to love yourself!