Just Trying to Walk the Line

Last week on Peculiar Momma:

The momma got sick. Pappa’s truck got impounded. Mamma was sleep-deprived and had to work all night.

Was it over? No! If so then what would we write about today? Lucky for you the adventure continues...

After said truck incident Mamma went to work only to find out she was the last one standing. Two other colleagues were out of town and a third too ill to work. There were 64 hours remaining in the weekend and one doctor. One sick doctor.

As luck would have it a relief doctor was willing to cover some of the night hours but couldn’t work days. So Mamma worked from 4:00 pm to 12:30 am, plodded home, caught a cat nap and returned at 8:00 am to work another 16.5 hours. Mamma was tired. Mamma was sick. Mamma was coughing up a lung. Just ... keep ... moving.

Meanwhile back on the homefront:

A neighborhood dog, Chopper, was run over in the cul-de-sac: the boy a witness. Chopper did not survive. Later the boy said to the Mamma, "I don't understand how you do your job. You see stuff like that everyday."

Mamma tried to explain. There's an internal switch used for self preservation. You flip it to turn into an emotionless automaton. The problem is that when one is tired, when one is sick, the switch gets rusty. It's harder to flip; harder to run on auto-pilot. Tears typically result. You brush them aside and move on to the next patient. Rinse. Repeat.

Somehow Mamma made it through. She finally arrived home early Sunday morning. A bed never looked better; flannel sheets pre-warmed by a labrador - pure heaven! Mamma refused to return to work Sunday. She couldn't do it. Someone else had to step up to the plate.

Sunday was a day to relax, to unwind, to forget. The Mammas and the Pappas were going on an outing. They went to a local lake to watch the salmon run and to look for bald eagles.

The outing started off well. The weather was great 65 degrees and sunny. The children bounded ahead to the inlet stream. The stream was filled with fish. The Mamma closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Ah, finally, peace and quiet. Then the family marched along the trail by the lake - right into a hoard of yellow jackets. The wasps swarmed. Pappa and both girls were stung - several times.

Run family run! And the family did run with the evil insects in close pursuit. Finally they made it to the safe haven of their car and high-tailed it to the general store in search of benadryl.

The family just prior to insect invasion

At the store everyone piled out of the car and went inside. Suddenly there was another yellow jacket. The Pappa shooed it outside and closed the front door. "No more yellow jackets!" said Mamma as she brushed her hands together in an attempt to comfort her family. Then little sis screamed. She had a stinger in her finger and another wasp was climbing down her shirt. The realization hit - the family brought the yellow jackets to the store with them.

In a writhing flailing fit the family stripped down next to the souvenir mugs. Several additional wasps were outed and annihilated.

Benadryl, tylenol and popcicles were in order - stat! The family retreated to the outdoor fire by the lake with the hopes that the smoke would repel any further attacks. The remainder of the day passed without further incident. Nonetheless this family outing was par for the course on this trying weekend.

The Peculiar family is hoping their karma will improve. They'd like to close this particular chapter in their lives.

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And here is the upside:

What? You can't be serious can you? An upside?

Yes. Yes, an upside.

1. The weekend is now over.
2. We were attacked by insects rather than say a bear or cougar.
3. Nobody had an anaphylactic reaction.
4. We were not arrested for indecent exposure.
5. We did spend time together as a family (the family who endures pain together stays together).

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Here's hoping today is plain and ordinary.

The Antithesis of Frugal Friday (or How to Support Your Local Government)

Because sometimes we all need a good cry

Written from my husband's perspective:

1) Get caught in a speed trap in po dunk Oregon.

2) Miss your court date because you don't want to drive 3 hours to complain about speed trap. They've gottcha.

3) Pay ticket late. Grumble about government agencies and speed traps and corruption. Wipe your hands of the whole ordeal.

4) Wait two years.

5) Make an illegal turn.

6) Get pulled over.

7) Find out you forgot to pay an additional $75.00 fee for license re-instatement (i.e. you've been driving on a suspended license for two years).

8) Watch second police car pull up.

9) Be surrounded by police.

10) Watch police impound your car.

11) Walk the rest of the way to work to call wife. Keep in mind your wife worked all night. She's sick. She had a long long night in which she had to call the police on a loony bin client.

12) Have wife bring passport and social security card to DMV with pajama clad four-year-old in tow.

13) Pay $75.00 re-instatement fee - cash only. DMV has an atm. Pay off label atm fee.

14) Pay $25.00 for new license because police took old one.

15) Go to police station. Pay $100.00 for impound release forms - cash only.

16) Go to impound lot. Attempt to retrieve car. Attempt to write check. Cash only.

17) Drive to atm. Remove additonal $165.00

18) Drive back to impound lot. Retrieve car.

19) Put court date on calendar. Hope the $504.00 of tickets will be reduced.

20) Go to work in attempt to replenish hemorrhaging bank account.

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The moral of this story? Don't be fooled. We all pay taxes in one form or another. Sometimes they're hidden.  Sometimes they're overt.  

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I'm trying to put a positive spin on this one but am coming up blank. All I can come up with is ... at least my local government is well funded. Very well funded.

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I hope others out in bloggerville are having a wonderful and frugal Friday!

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Addendums to the day:

1) When you open the refrigerator and the bottom door shelf falls off spewing it's contents all over the kitchen by all means replace the shelf and put all the contents back in place.  Because the shelf definitely won't fall off again the next time you open the refrigerator, right?

2) Know that today is not your day.  Welcome the Charlie Brown cloud floating over your head. Accept with love the bathroom towel hook that decides to spontaneously disassociate from the wall.   Run your finger over the big gaping hole.  Try to look a the bright side - now you get to learn to plaster and dry wall. 

3) Do not turn on the television.  Do not watch the stock market eat away your retirement.  JUST DON'T DO IT! 

4) Know that when you get up, tired as you are, to fashion a lunch for your child that said child will be sound asleep when you return with her meal.  

5) Just close your eyes and take a nap.  Good night bloggerville, good night. 

What I do not understand ...

Man has walked on the moon; "Houston, Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed."

Jim has a prosthetic hip; “a Tapered Titanium Cementless Femoral Component in Primary Hip Arthroplasty.”

My house is on Google Earth; “the rocket control mechanism uses the inertial guidance system to calculate necessary adjustments to the rocket's nozzles to tilt the rocket to the course described in the flight plan.”

E-mail is received minutes after it’s sent; “Eventually, the packets reach computer 5.6.7.8. Here, the packets start at the bottom of the destination computer's TCP/IP stack and work upwards.”

Animals are cloned; “we can create an exact genetic replica of a cell, tissue or animal” down to the last A T G and C.

Mice grow human ears; “Progenitor Cells Isolated from the H-2Kb-tsA58 Transgenic Mouse.”

I can change the channel from across the room; “The chip is packaged in what is known as an 18 pin Dual Inline Package, or a DIP. To the right of the chip you can see a diode, a transistor (black, with three leads), a resonator (yellow), two resistors (green) and a capacitor (dark blue).”

I’m freezing yet febrile, every cell aches, my nose is raw; “there is no medically proven and accepted medication directly targeting the causative agent, there is no cure for the common cold.”

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It' official. I'm sick. Everyone else is healthy so I am apparently the fomite this round. I'll have to care for myself then brace to care for everyone else.

Last night I made soup for my soul; heavy on the garlic. I also downed several cups tea with lemon, honey and fresh ginger. Let me tell you - this leads to several trips to the bathroom. Sneezing on a full bladder is NOT a good idea for any woman who's had children.

And instead of reading tea leaves I read my tea bag:

I do hope it's true. I'm going to do my best to love my family and myself as I wade through this murky wet tunnel of parenting and work, sleeplessness and sickness. I can't wait to come out the other end. When I do I'm going to dry off and leap into a pile of gorgeous autumn leaves.

Then I'm going to keep a promise to myself. I'm going to create time for me. For exercise. For yoga. My body needs a thirty-seven thousand mile tune-up. Then I need to keep up with proper maintenance so I reach that coveted hundred-thousand milestone. Baby steps. Baby steps.

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Happy Love Thursday Everyone!

A couple of weeks ago I dipped my toe into the sock knitting pool and fashioned a pair of fuzzy feet. These felted socks are deliciously cozy and I’ve been wearing them non-stop. There is something very fulfilling and Mr. Rogeresque about coming home, removing one’s shoes and donning a pair of handmade slippers. It’s instant relaxation, a flipping of the switch; “Welcome to downtime!” purr the slippers to my feet and my body melts. Pure heaven! I’ve since knit but not yet felted a second pair and cast on a third. Fuzzy feet will be spread across the continental United States this holiday season.

In knitting these slippers, however, I realized it’s time to attempt a pair of real socks. My sock basket is woefully sparse as most of my footwear has been kidnapped by my children. I need some socks that are unmistakenly irrevocably mine. All mine.

Then this morning I logged on to my Google feed and saw Soule Mama’s autumn socks knit from the Yarn Harlot’s Basic Sock Recipe. I had sock yarn. I had needles. I was ready to go.

So instead of, say, taking a shower or getting dressed I cast on a pair of socks. I drove my son to school in my pajamas. At 7:15 in the morning when the sun was just peeking over the horizon this felt moderately reasonable. My twelve-year-old may have been fully dressed and ready for his day but hey this was my weekend and it wasn’t fully light yet so I had some leeway. By 9:00 am, however, when the sun had fully exposed itself and folks were out and about in their suits and ties or jogging outfits or whatever it felt a bit indulgent to still be wearing the Nick and Nora gnomes. Did this stop me? No. I gifted my neighbors with my full pajama laden glory as I drove my daughter to school. Fortunately I did not have to exit the vehicle once we arrived. I’m not sure the PTA moms would approve of my fashion acumen.

And, truth-be-told, it is now 3:00 in the afternoon. You guessed it. I’m still wearing my PJs. I’ll have you know I am not a total bum. I’ve done about a bazillion loads of laundry, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, vacuumed and cleaned one bathroom. And I’m still working on that sock. Perhaps I’ll change before dinner.

Frugal Friday

Last night we messed up. I was tired. I just couldn't do it. We went out to dinner. $70.00 to feed a family of five. Granted that included margaritas. The margaritas were good. All margaritas are good. But the food wasn't that great. It certainly wasn't worth the money with or without alcohol. Tonight we're having proscuitto chicken with fontina cheese and grilled asparagus. Tonight's meal, including wine, will taste much much better and cost a fraction of last night's dinner.

If you are smarter than I and elect to spend your $70.00 on something other than mediocre Mexican food here is what you can get:

A yellow chair: $15.00
(lovingly photographed here and blogged here )

A green bookshelf: $10:00

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A yard of material: $1.00
A large shabby-chic table cloth: $3.00
A Christmas ornament for the neighborhood holiday exchange: $2.00

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A vanity table that perfectly matches the other furniture in your daughter's room: $15.00

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A brand new apron: $3.00

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And ... you'd still have some money left over to buy something homemade from my Etsy Shop.

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It's really all about how and where we spend our money isn't it? I hope all of you are smarter than I and have a Frugal Friday!

"Mr. Duffy lived a short distance from his body."

--James Joyce, Ulysses

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Yesterday 4:45 pm

She’s bawling. She’s angry because I have to go to work. She wants me to walk her into ballet but didn’t get ready in time. She doesn’t understand why I don’t work only between the hours of 10:00 am to 3:00 pm while she is otherwise occupied with scholarly pursuits. Then I could attend to her needs, shuttle her about at will and generally perform my motherly duties. As it stands I am going to work and will be there all night. She is not pleased. She does not care about the mortgage or food on the table. All she knows is I am leaving and will not return until morning. I deposit her, bawling, on the steps to ballet class.

Yesterday 11:00 pm

I’m amputating my second tail of the night. This one is necrotic. The odor turns the hardest of stomachs. My nose is inches from the source. I hate tail amputations. This is how I make a living. I need a shower.

This morning 1:30 am

My feet hurt. I’m a wuss. Three of my employees are pregnant. I can’t imagine how they’re feeling. I sit and try to write coherent records.

This morning 7:00 am

We are checking out our overnight patients; discussing blood transfusions, diarrhea, broken bones and glucose levels. I can’t wait to go home.

This morning 8:25 am

I’m the morning carpool. We should be in the car. We should be driving to school. Instead I am sweeping the floor while my daughter dresses. Little sis will join the parade in her pajamas. She has no where to go. I’m exhausted. The night has sucked all creative marrow from my bones. I can’t do Love Thursday. I have no photo. I don’t know what to say. I look down and see this:




My life might be full of trash but the trash is full of love.

Happy Love Thursday!

Gone to the bees ...

I have hand eczema. I’ve had it for years. I’m careful with hand creams, avoid perfumes and harsh chemicals yet my eczema persists. It can be eradicated with steroids but not without significant side effects. And as soon as the medication is stopped the disease returns. So I’ve learned to live like a leper. People recoil when they see my out-stretched hand. They fear handshake transmission. At work I feign bite-wound injury. People don’t mind shaking a hand munched on by a bacterial laden cat. But eczema? No way!

Then last week I had a terrible flare-up. My eczema was more than a cosmetic disturbance. It became a painful and crippling entity. My hand throbbed, weeped and had shooting pains. It was hard to function. Clearly something had to be done. But what? Your average person, a smart person, would go to the doctor for a prescription to get the flare-up under control. But not me. No.

I decided to make a natural cure-all hand cream from the internet. It must work, right? If it is written it is so. And all I needed was beeswax, honey and olive oil. Pure. Natural. Simple.

Forever frugal I printed a 25% off coupon and headed to the craft store for beeswax which I found in the candle section. I’ve never worked with beeswax before and learned a few things I will share with you now:

1) Beeswax bars are impossible to cut or break apart without some sort of power tool.

2) Beeswax melts quickly over the stove.

3) Bars that stick out of the pan will drip over the side and all over the stove.

4) Beeswax is highly flammable (I had a small stove top fire and luckily nothing else).

5) Removed from heat beeswax quickly re-coagulates.

6) Beeswax does not come off with soap and water.

7) Beeswax does not come off with vinegar.

8) Beeswax does melt if doused with boiling water.

9) After a boiling water dousing beeswax will form into small beads, redistribute over the stove top and adhere to the surface.

10) The Cat in the Hat has nothing on me.

11) I do not have Thing One or Thing Two for cleaning assistance.

12) But I do have the internet.

13) Citrus essential oil (in this case grapefruit) removes beeswax.

14) Beeswax, honey and olive oil make a lovely paste that does indeed improve eczematous lesions.

I’m only a few days out with this concoction and my hand is healing. Only time will tell if this salve is an actual cure-all. I did, however, made a connection with a local beekeeper and have a source for free beeswax should I want it. If my eczema continues to clear I’ll likely be performing additional chemistry experiments in my kitchen. Perhaps I should stock up on essential oil.